September 15, 2024

Recently a popular reporter at the New York Times wrote about stressfulness of today’s parenting, responding to the Surgeon General’s address that parenting stress is a national public health issue.

My name was cited as a co-author of the article on parenthood and wellbeing published in Journal of Marriage and Family in 2020. No mention of my BGSU professorship. No quotes from me. Only my co-author’s comments were quoted. A few of my colleagues, while congratulating me for my work being cited, seemed to find it strange because I was the lead author of the article.     

When the reporter emailed me requesting an interview for her newspaper article about my research on parenting stress, I was a very stressed, exhausted parent. My daughter was in a Pediatric ICU for excruciating pain in her stomach for the past 2-3 days. I was with her for the entire time. The reporter was working on her article with a tight deadline.

I wondered. Should I pretend there was no crisis in my personal life and go the extra mile (as I felt it was a significant burden without sleep and distress) to accommodate her request? I could walk to my car to have intellectual conversations with her. But where was my car? I didn’t remember where I parked two or three days ago when we followed an ambulance that transported my daughter from an ER in our small town to the major hospital in a larger city.

But I decided to tell the reporter, No. I wrote back to her that I was unable to talk with her because my daughter was hospitalized, I hadn’t slept for over 3 days, and I was even unable to find a room in the hospital for me to talk over the phone with her.

I sent the reporter a PDF copy of my review article and wrote my written comments for her article. I sent my email exchange with the reporter to my co-author asking whether the reporter contacted her. My co-author immediately emailed the reporter, telling her she would be happy to talk with her.

This small work-parenting conflict reminded me of her episode that Anne-Marie Slaughter wrote in her book, Unfinished Business: Women, Men, Work, Family (2016). In 2009, she left her high-profile job at the State Department for her son, recognizing that she was the only mother his son had, whereas the job at the State Department could be done by someone else.

It was a bit disappointing that the reporter didn’t quote any of the comments I generated from my daughter’s hospital room. She could have weaved my own parenting issue into the story, mainly because I was in a similar situation as the Surgeon General used in his opinion article as his personal experience that prompted his deep understanding of parenting stress, which prompted her article.

Still, I am happy that I didn’t feel the pressure to hide my parenting responsibilities just to prove my commitment to my career, which I had to do so many times when I was an assistant professor. I am proud of myself for not pushing my exhausted body and mind, not leaving my daughter alone in the hospital room, to accommodate the reporter’s request just for the sake of my (small) fame.